Mom Stuff

The Attached Parent’s Guide to Crying it Out

I really wanted to write down some thoughts on this subject.  Apparently I had an embarrassingly large amount of thoughts.    I apologize that it turned out to be a tome but pour your sleep-deprived patooty a stiff drink and settle in! 

The Attached Parent's Guide to Crying it Out

Once Upon a Time

I thought I had a good sleeper.  When my baby was three months old, I wrote that he was on a steady pattern of waking up twice a night to nurse, and returning peacefully to sleep on his own.  Despite continued knocking on the redwood forest, it was at the three month mark where these happy days gradually began to leave us.

Like any good political uprising, it started innocently enough.  A nap resisted here, an extra night wake up there.  Subtle enough that me, the unsuspecting head of state, could easily write it all off as flukes.  The four month sleep regression coming early.  The four month sleep regression.  OK this site says there’s a five month sleep regression so it’s that.  Travel, schedule disruption, learning a milestone, getting a cold, separation anxiety, room’s too hot, room’s too cold, uncomfortable PJ feet, now we’re back to another sleep regression, TEETH.  I think like four months went by between the first time I swore he’d wake up with a tooth and when he actually got his first.

I kept thinking if I just held out a little longer things would turn around.  When he was six months, I knew it would get better with solid foods.  It didn’t.  It just kept getting worse.  The root of our problems was his growing addiction to the boob.  Damn you, evil duumvirate of warm, comforting baby elixir!  It’s like my boobs were Elizabeth and he was Mr. Darcy and he NEVER WISHED TO BE PARTED FROM THEM.

So, it went like this.  The two wake ups became three, became four, became OMG it’s 9:45 p.m. and already you’re up, became OK I basically give up asking you to sleep in your crib past 4:00 a.m.  Bed time used to be 15 minutes of nursing and baby would be on his merry way to sleepyville, and then it became a nightly battle royale of up to 30, 40, sometimes 50 minutes, because if I tried to lower him into his crib before he was deeply nursed to sleep, he popped  awake and cried.  Then that exact pattern repeated itself for each of the wake ups.  A few nights I wrote down the wake ups and I’m looking at those notes now– August 21: First wake up about 11:30, was up for an hour.  Wakes at 2:50, 4:00, 5:00, 5:45, 6:00.  Another night: 11:40 (up for 40 minutes), 2:00, 4:30, 6:00, 6:20.  

It was awful.  I felt like crap.  Although mornings were usually my happiest time, only because I was so happy to have the night behind me and to know I was the furthest possible distance from the next night. But as the day went on the dread would just start building.  When I would go to bed at night, I just felt so depressed knowing what was in store for me again.  I was so angry and frustrated and I remember thinking I was angry enough to punch a hole in the wall, if it didn’t require so much energy.  I won’t keep going on and on about those nights, because I prefer not revisit them, and because I know a lot of you have been there and many have been worse places.

What’s an attached parent to do? I use this expression only as a blanket description for all of us who reject the idea of letting our babies cry themselves to sleep.  I do believe in and practice most of what the “attachment parenting” movement entails, but I’m not big on the label because a) I think it’s kind of weird in the first place to place labels on the very universal, natural act of parenting and b) there is a lot of quackery in AP circles.  Right at the top being the crazies who think that one week of sleep training will put your baby on the fast track to a life of crime and delinquency.  Please remind yourself of that.  That they are crazies.

But it remained an unthinkable idea.  So I did the next obvious thing and I went to the library for The No Cry Sleep Solution.  The older librarian looked at my baby in tow and gave him kind of a good-natured tsk-tsk and a “you better sleep for your mama!” chide.  It was a sweet exchange that only fueled my denial.  See, this is just something that every woman goes through.  I bet this week it will start to get better.  It did not get better that week.

I was so hopeful reading that book.  So many stories of crappy sleepers who became champ sleepers.  And I still say this book is the logical place to start if you don’t want to do the crying, because it does seem to work for a lot of people.  The gist is–first you work on detaching your baby from the boob or bottle, then you can gradually work your way from there.  The entire process being dependent on that first step, which is just NOT THAT EASY when you have a true boob addict on your hands.  Err, on your boobs.

The author (last name Pantley) dubs the detachment protocol the “Pantley Pull Off”.  Which is just that– you pull them off the boob, gently hold their mouth shut, put them back on if they cry, and repeat until they’re OK with it.  This part I do remember clearly, her saying that you may need to try this “two to five times or more” but then they peacefully nod off.  LOLLLLZZZZ.  I would regularly try this 10-20 times and it just made my guy angrier and more awake.  He particularly found me holding his mouth shut a RIOT.  I have one friend who tried it I think fifty-two or fifty-three times to no avail.  A quick Google and I found a ton of other accounts of women saying they had zero luck with it.  Again, this is the first step and already I was frustrated out of my effing mind.

The rest of the book contains other suggestions like loveys, bedtime routines, white noise, and key words.  All nice suggestions but ain’t no lovey or “keyword” gonna replace a boob.  Sorry.  It’s like fighting the Hun army with a tiddly wink.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love CIO

Cry it out was really the only show in town at this point and I was DESPERATE.  I was consumed with guilt and dread at the thought, but I knew it had to happen.  I’m just going to kind of list all the things that really helped me feel better about this decision in the hopes it might make others feel better too if they’re in the same boat.

MOST IMPORTANTLY.  Repeat this to yourself over and over and over.  There is actually not any data suggesting CIO is damaging.  Any evidence people will use to tell you otherwise is not directly applicable to CIO, not scientific, not remotely conclusive, or pure bunk.  “But I read on Mothering.com…” NO.  Shut it.  It’s bunk. If the “studies” still terrify you, I highly suggest reading here and here.

I even asked one of my BFFs who is an actual therapist and she said it is without a doubt, absolutely, completely harmless.  She said if you let babies cry by themselves during the day, on a regular basis? Of course that is damaging! (Some of the “studies” seem to be talking about that, which obviously nobody is doing.)

OK, here’s some more anecdotal data.  The more I asked people about this, the more I found out that really good moms are CIOing.  Don’t lie, I know I’m not the only one who can make a mental list of parents whose insight you trust, and parents who you kind of side eye.  I was surprised to find out so many people off my “trust” list were doing it.  I kept thinking to myself, she did CIO? Well if she and she did it, then it must be OK.  Even my own mom admitted to doing it when I wouldn’t go to bed.  My mom is like a SUPER mom who was throwing bad ass themed birthday parties back when a) you couldn’t get ideas off of Pinterest and b) you couldn’t post pictures on Facebook and let the validation wash over you like a warm breeze.  YEA I KNOW THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT.  Themed birthday parties that NOBODY KNEW ABOUT unless you were actually there and had your own screen-printed 101 Dalmations t-shirt to prove it.  She said to me, “I think it’s funny that you guys call it sleep training when we just called it putting you to bed.”  The more I reflected on that, the more I really think this whole stupid debate is just another contrived “mommy war” from the last decade.

Still think CIO is evil? Believe it or not I have more word vomit.  Another thing that stopped me dead in my tracks was something I read in Dr. Ferber’s book.  As hippie parents I know we are all really into the natural pattern of things and helping our bodies do what they are naturally supposed to do.  Dr. Ferber– remember this person is an MD who runs a major pediatric sleep center, not a random fear-mongering internet commenter in a basement somewhere– he made the terrific point that babies aren’t meant to be eating all night long past the newborn stage.  He said to think about what your baby’s diaper feels like in the morning when they’ve nursed all night long.  It’s like forty pounds, right?  He said those systems are not supposed to be working 24/7.  Part of sleep’s restorative design is to give our digestive systems and our urinary systems a break.  That really changed my tune and I started wondering if I was actually doing my baby a disservice giving in to the constant night nursing.

Another thing pro-CIO people say is, “Oh you need sleep to be a good mom.  Your family needs you to sleep.”  And I always just kind of thought that was just a feel good platitude UNTIL I was a chronically sleep-deprived person.  Now being on the other side, I see how very true and important that is.  Now that I’m rested, I’m happier, I project an image of emotional health to my child.  What’s more important than that?  I put better food into my body, I find motivation to stretch or do a few minutes of yoga or EVEN make a trip to the gym.  Back when I was sleep deprived I had kind of a OH WHAT’S THE POINT, SCREW IT ALL mentality and was just not a healthy person all around.  My fuse was incredibly short and any little thing would send me over the edge and I’d cry and/or yell at my spouse.  WTF kind of example is that to model for your impressionable baby?

When I looked at all of this together, I felt better.  I was trying the no cry protocol and he was crying anyway.  People hate on CIO as a breech of trust, but already I was teaching my baby to mistrust the sleep process because I was tricking him into falling asleep and then transferring him to his crib on the sly.  Also– he was nine months old at the time, so I knew how aware he was and that the crying would be out of protest (MOM YOU’LL MARCH THOSE BOOBS BACK UP THE STAIRS IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU) and not out of fear of confusion like a smaller baby might.

This is what I told myself: that I would try it for a night.  Because really, what does it hurt to try? I would give it an hour.  I wasn’t going to let this be a multi-hour nightmare, but we could try to do something differently for an hour.  Worst case we were back where we started.  “But I read on Mothering.com about a baby who did one night of sleep training and that baby was Ted Kaczynski” seriously get off Mothering.com.

I set a date to do it the next Friday night.  All week long I felt sick thinking about it, but I would reflect on all the things above and pep myself up.  Then I would imagine what it would feel like to sleep for more than 90 minutes.  THAT was motivating.  We also got our ducks in a row.  I always thought CIO was kind of a crap shoot, maybe you got a baby who fell right asleep and maybe you got a baby who took 6 hours, you wouldn’t know until you tried.  But I found out there are things you can do to put the odds in your favor that you will have a smooth experience.  Read this and this series, both were very helpful in really understanding the whole process.  We had a bed time routine in place so I was confident he understood exactly what he was being asked to do, we had his around-the-clock sleep schedule in a good place so I knew he was in fact tired and primed for sleep.

The Night of 1,000 Tears Had Arrived

That night we switched the bedtime routine so we nursed at the beginning.  (I know.  It was unthinkable at the time).  Then we read our story, gave him a bath, sang him his song, lovingly dressed him for bed.  He wore PJs with a frog pattern, tugging at my heart and reminding me of his nickname from when he was in the womb.  He had a little patch on the lapel that said “I Love Hugs!” AND I SERIOUSLY WAS NEAR BREAKING DOWN AT THAT POINT.  Here I was setting him up for a night of horrors when he was JUST A LITTLE INNOCENT BABY WHO LOVES HUGS! I’m seriously tearing up here thinking of that.  Read on.  This didn’t go as horribly as I imagined.  Things rarely do, do they?

I made my exit and left Jeff to do the dirty work.  Seriously, this is a job for the parent without boobs if the boobs are your problem.  He had the Ferber chart saying when to do the checks, he had a timer going on a laptop, and I even wrote him a script to read during the checks.  “You’re doing so well! We’re so proud of you! You can do it!” Heart breaking.  I know.  He did have instructions to use his judgment and abort the mission if it became apparent it was just not working, or if horrible things happened like vomiting or banging his head or something.

Then I went to a corner in the house where I couldn’t hear anything.  I enjoyed a burrito and a glass of wine.  It was actually kind of nice.  I felt bad about this, but really there is no benefit to making yourself suffer by listening to the crying.  None.  Outside of purely gratuitous martyrdom.  Which is not attractive.  Go to a corner and eat a burrito.

Jeff came downstairs twenty-two minutes later.  My immediate thought: oh God, ALREADY things had fallen apart and he had pulled the plug? Here was the exchange:

Me: Already you’ve been broken???? WTF happened????
Jeff: He’s asleep.
Wut?
Sleeping.
WUT??????
He’s asleep.
It only took twenty-two minutes????
No actually it took eighteen minutes I was just doing something before I came down.
[HEAD EXPLODING WITH GLEE]

He slept clear through till 2:00 a.m. and woke up fussing.  I let him fuss for a minute (this was a fuss, not a hard cry) and he drifted off back off to sleep almost immediately.  At 5:00 a.m. he woke up and I did give him a full feeding.  I put him back down in the crib, he screamed, but he was over it by the time I walked back down the hall and went to the bathroom.  It was something like a minute and a half.  When he woke back up at a respectable hour I went in to get him and he was completely his normal happy self, and greeted me with a giant smile as usual.  

So, I didn’t actually get up out of bed until 5:00 when normally I was making it to 12:00 on a good night.  Already on night one, things were a million times better.  That little skill of waking up in the same place you went to sleep and knowing how to go back to sleep yourself– it’s a GAME CHANGER for a baby. The next two nights he cried for somewhere in the range of 5-8 minutes maybe? Beyond that, bed time became a non event.  I now can’t believe I hemmed and hawed and suffered for months when I was 18 minutes away from a solved problem. 

Epilogue 

We are not 100% out of the woods.  Only because I didn’t commit 100% of the way, so we’re still doing one (sometimes two) feedings in the early morning.  I am OK with this.  I told baby all along I was totally game for one or two feedings.  Just not a bajillion.  I will probably tackle total night weaning in the next month or two. 

Sleeping through the night remains an elusive dream.  When he makes it to 7:00 a.m. one of these days, I’m buying everyone cars like Oprah.  We’ve come close a few times.  Some of those “you know you’re a parent when” lists are kind of dumb, but I do have to agree with one– you know  you’re a parent when you consider 4-6 hours of unbroken sleep to be absolute perfection.  It really is heavenly when you’ve come from the other side. 

I hope this has been helpful for a couple people.  There is so much awful, guilt-triggering crap out there on this subject.  Everyone deserves sleep.  If you have stories to share or even just need to vent, please feel free to comment!

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23 thoughts on “The Attached Parent’s Guide to Crying it Out

  1. I nursed 8 years in a row. I do not know how you feel about bottle nipples. The additional thing that helped to remove the night feedings were offering of bottle of plain water or sips from a cup, though the cup made them a LOT more alert. I also shifted them into their LEAST favorite holding position so they stopped seeking me out at night for the snuggle. Then I got upset that they stopped asking for them at night…blink.

  2. This sounds slot like my struggle to finally cioing and i saware by it now but nap time is still a disaster. Do you have any advice for a fellow nursing mom blogger?.

    1. Sorry naps suck!! : ( Stay strong! Try troublesometots.com for help… I really cant say enough good stuff about the sleep woman behind it. Haha this is the extent of my advice!

  3. I stumbled across your blog from a mom group on FB and I just have to tell you that this is my life right now! Thank you for helping me be okay with sleep training. We started tonight and are first tackling the night-time wake ups. Perfect timing 🙂

  4. Oh my, this is my experience EXACTLY. I’ve been wanting to write a blog post on it too because when you and in the depths of sleepless nights you feel so isolated and helpless. And I had the impression that EVERYONE else’s baby was sleeping or they just suddenly started to sleep through the night. Finally letting my son cry (around 8.5 months old) was our only option. It was also our experience that it has never been more than about 20 minutes and it has literally changed our life. It is always hard to hear our son cry but we know that he can put himself to sleep and going to him only seems to wake him up more so we know it’s the best (even though it’s hard!). My husband and I can have a couple hours to ourselves in the evenings because we know that our son will stay asleep and many times we have time for a cup of coffee together in the morning before a 6:30 AM wake up by my son (which is glorious compared to 5 AM). Our son wakes up super happy and he feels better too because he’s getting more sleep. He still wakes 1-2 times per night and I nurse and I’m fine with that sine he is 9.5 months old now. Compared to waking 5+ times for 30 min+ plus this is heaven. Thank you for sharing your experience, you’ve encouraged me to write about it on my blog too. I don’t want other people to think that I have a magical child that just suddenly started sleeping, we had to go through some hard times!

    1. I am so so glad you found comfort in this! I agree with you on everything. It’s so much better on the other side.

      And yea, don’t even get me started on the people with magical sleepers : ) I try to believe there is justice in the world by just assuming I’ll have a magical sleeper if we have another : ) I tried to not be too over-the-top in my kvetching because I know there are many moms with TRULY terrible sleepers (and other bigger problems of course). But boy, sleep deprivation does blow for everyone.

  5. Okay so I have a boob addict too. She was waking up 7 or 8 times a night– a long stretch was anything over an hour and a half. Then she got better around 5 months–went for like a week of 2-3 hour stretches all night long. (I can count on two hands how many times she’s slept more than 4 hours. She will be 7 months old on Friday. It’s been a long 7 months.)

    Now we are down to like 5 wake ups a night, between 10p-630a. Yeah she goes to bed with us because it’s what works. Otherwise she just fights it and makes us both (her and me) miserable for 2 hours until my husband finally comes up to bed and it was a waste of time anyway. (Oh yeah–I’ve been avoiding CIO, obvi)

    Anyway this was a good read. I’m not ready yet, but I may have to get there eventrally. Luckily she usually just nurses and goes right back to sleep–sometimes within a couple of minutes… so it’s less tortuous.

    I also read the same book. I can get her to break off sometimes, but not get her to fall asleep without latching. And she could care less about a lovey. I am hoping she will get the hang of a pacifier soon and learn to put it back in her own mouth and solve all our problems. A momma can wish.

    I’m not sure of the point of this comment. Just a chance for me to bitch and moan about not having a great sleeper and my confession of my lack of ability to let her cry.

    1. Hey, bitching and moaning is absolutely welcome here! When I hesitate to whine about my waker-upper it’s because of stories like this that are 100 times worse!! : / good grief!

      I will hope against all odds that this spontaneously improves for you! If you reach the horrible impasse of having to CIO… well I hope this made you feel a little better : /

      Yea, my guy doesn’t care about loveys and was done with pacifiers pretty early on. Which I guess is a good problem to have?? Kind of?? I wish we could cosleep but my husband is a high maintenance sleep diva and would never get any sleep. I try to respect these wishes since he, you know, needs to go to a real non-pajama job in the morning. When we were on vacation over the summer we had an extra bedroom and I slept with the baby for a week… because I was like f this noise, I’m not going to be miserable during vacation. The baby got to live his dream of being attached to the boob ALL NIGHT LONG, haha! I was up pretty frequently to reattach him, but I remember thinking it was glorious to at least be able to stay in bed and not be up and down the hall all night. But I definitely could see how cosleeping could be equally/more frustrating on a constant basis.

      OK, sorry now for my long comment!!!! : ) At any rate, stay strong, your day will come!

  6. Do you have an update on the sleeping situation now? I have an almost 8 month old and am having an identical experience! I was about to lay down the law, then he slept 7 hours. straight for the first time ever! Yay! Then, slightly regressed, again, waking for various reasons.

    1. I’m going to write an update on this really soon!! Even though oops your 8-month-old is like a big kid now and probably since figured it all out, haha!

  7. Reading this gave me so much hope! My son is currently up every 45 minutes all night. I’m dying.

    Question for you. You wrote: “I now can’t believe I hemmed and hawed and suffered for months when I was 18 minutes away from a solved problem.” If you had to do it over again, would you have done it any earlier (in term’s of his age?) I’m trying to decide when to start this process

    1. 45 minutes???? Oof. I’m glad this gave you hope and I totally encourage you to at least try CIO if nothing else is working. Stay strong, you will be sleeping soon!

      I’ve thought about the age question a lot and wondered what I would do if I had future babies who were terrible sleepers. I know Ferber thinks you can do this with, like, 3-month-olds. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with that. I think for any future babies I will give them 6 months to figure it out before I do this again. Also I’m just hoping that since I understand baby sleep so much better now, I’ll just be able to build better habits from the start and prevent a boob addiction/dependency in the first place!

      At any rate, stay strong and know that one way or another you’ll get past the sleepless nights!! I am long overdue and update on this. Hope to write it in the next month or so.

  8. I stumbled across your minimalist baby gear post via pinterest and one thing led to another and I found this post. So let me start of with THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST!!!! Now I got my excited yelling out of the way, small back story: I have two kids, a 5 year old boy and 3 year old girl. I’ve considered myself a “crunchy” attachment parent. You know, cloth diapering, babywearing, nurse on demand, co-sleeping, etc. I created two little monsters. My son was a lot like yours, attached to the BOOBS. He literally used me as a pacifier to sleep. And the minute I’d pull away he’d wake up and scream at me. It was miserable. My daughter wasn’t quite that bad, but guess what – to this day they still expect me to lay in bed with them until they fall asleep, and I have to sneak away after they’re out. It’s HELL. Don’t get me wrong, I love kid snuggles, but this is excessive. It’s a huge waste of my evenings (you know, that precious “mom time” we all theoretically enjoy after the kids are asleep? Mine doesn’t start until after 9 most nights…). My husband gets really frustrated when he is in charge of putting the kids to bed. So, as I say, I created monsters. I want to do things differently with the next baby – I’m planning on not co-sleeping (I may for the first month, but beyond that? NOPE), and I’m finally willing to try CIO. So I’m off to pin this post to my Baby board on pinterest so I have it when I need it. Thank you again!!!

  9. this is so close to my experience. my baby boy (9 mo old now) is definitely a boob-aholic. we co-slept in the same bed and he would be attached all night. Nights were like one long feeding. my back was killing me and I was a major grouch. it got to the point where baby would cry during the day and id just look at him and be like, “what? whats wrong now? You think YOU have problems?” thats when I realized that I really did have a problem and we needed to try something “drastic” like CIO. Like you I had tried some more “mild”/”gradual” sleep training techniques. didnt work. I never heard of the “pull off” one tho….really cant imagine that working for baby. ever. Anyway, CIO worked like a charm! Things are so much better (although, he did regress a little bit recently after being really sick for a few days…but we are getting back on board). Anyway, the day after we started CIO and I FINALLY had gotten a full nights sleep (I felt fabulous), I spoke with someone at La Leche League (absolutely nothing against LLL — I think they are wonderful), but she clearly was of the mindset that I was setting up my baby for a life of crime and drug abuse. I think this is clearly absurd because honestly, he cried far more when I tried the “kinder” approaches. He actually cries far less with CIO and he has a happy mama now!

    Anyway, thank you for your article. It made me laugh out loud because I have felt exactly the same 🙂

  10. I absolutely loved this blog! It’s hilarious, Thank you for being so honest. I’m going through exactly the same thing with my son at 9 months. He love the boob!
    I have Just read this whilst also listening to a dreaded midnight cry It out, after googling ” how to cope with crying it out?”
    And believe me I’m so glad I read this. There is so much guilt mongering rubbish!
    I think I will read this everytime I’m going to buckle and run in breasts ahoy!
    I hope things settled for yourself and you are finally getting good rest.
    At the moment I hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel…. I’m exhausted.

  11. Ladies, please don’t take this comment as patronizing, because it really and truly isn’t: It was SO much easier to be a new mom before the Internet was around that I honestly feel sorry for you. There is an incredible amount of garbage out there, and as sleep-deprived Mombies, it becomes really difficult not to feel all kinds of guilt, and TRUST ME, you don’t deserve any of it! As my youngest of three children is turning 28 this year (the oldest will be 31 two weeks earlier), I would like to pass on a bit of advice my Auntie who raised five children gave to me as I ran to pick up my little angel repeatedly: “No baby has ever blown themselves up crying to sleep.” During that first week at home, as my Auntie is telling me that “I will recognize what the baby wants by her cry” – ya right – I thought that I would NEVER know what the heck she was talking about. In my foggy little brain, I was the worst mother in the world, and Social Services will be here any day, and a zillion other ludicrous things, but I decided to give it a go – after all, she DID have five kids and they all seemed like normal people. To cut a long story short, she obviously was right, and by week two we were actually getting enough sleep that we could CLEARLY tell the difference between “I demand you come here NOW, or else!” and “OMG I’m freaked out really bad here!”. Hang in there. IT WILL GET BETTER! I wish I could tell you that this is the worst phase of parenthood and you are almost out of the woods, but you all seem so nice that I refuse to lie to you. But, I will offer one final piece of advice: “Grandchildren are your reward for letting your teenagers live.” 😉

  12. Thank you so much for your common sense!!!! My son is almost three and past all the sleep troubles but I’m on a minimialism group on facebook and for some reason not wanting a lot of crap in your house brings out the cosleeping nazis by the droves. Seriously they say things like “if you’re not willing to be there for your child you shouldn’t be a parent”. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my body had the choice not to go ape s*&t crazy when it wasn’t getting sleep. Please call cps on me. Anywho, it’s just super refreshing to hear someone say yes you can do some of the attachment things and I think some of the thoughts are great, but you can use your common sense and the knowledge that you love your child and will do the best thing for them, even if it doesn’t align 100% with what the loud attachment parents do. More power to you!

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