Some Bachelorette commentary I can’t fit on Twitter. It’s pathetic the amount of excitement I have over this finale. Yes, I know, I have no life and/or atrocious taste in television and I’m alright with both of those characterizations.
Drew: First off, I’m not convinced he’s actually of the male gender. Talks like a woman, runs like a woman, is a “digital marketing analyst” which I don’t need to tell you is a woman job. Actually I don’t even know if he’s a woman, he might actually be a Muppet or Boo the Pomeranian. If this goes anywhere, Des’ brother is going to eat this guy alive.
Chris: Dweeb. Huge dweeb. Men who wear shorts cut above the knee deserve automatic expulsion from, I don’t know, America. And have you seen this guy’s shoes? CHRIS, YOUR SHOES, WOOF. And does anyone agree he’s also got a Norman Bates thing going on? The poetry is CREEPY. Des / your heart is like a beautiful forest of woods / which is also where I will hide you / when I chop you into a thousand pieces / please can I chew on your fingernail clipping.
Brooks: MORMON SEXPOT. Anyone who would pass up Brooks for either of the aforementioned goobers has seriously questionable mental faculties. And you know Des will pass him up. They always do.
Whatever. This show has been a joke ever since she sent home Zack the guitar-playing ex–Seminarian with the Kona Ice franchise. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, THAT IS A POOR LIFE CHOICE, YOU DESERVE UNHAPPINESS.