Mom Stuff

Adventures in Parental Anxiety Part 1 of Infinity

Did everyone catch the “How to Have an Awesome Pregnancy” post on Jezebel the other week? I don’t have the energy to link it.  Google it if you are interested, it was a riot and EXACTLY why I (and all of us) are crazy.  What it fails to mention is that it only gets much worse when you’re dealing with the actual child, in that every single parental choice seems to involve controversy and conflicting evidence and you CANNOT WIN.  Here is just a brief glimpse at a couple things currently stressing me out.

Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child says baby needs to be doing 100% of his sleep in his crib or he will grow into a sleep deprived child who will learn poorly and have behavioral issues.  But excess time spent on a firm surface in the supine position gives babies flat heads.  Wearing the baby in a sling promotes a whole ton of positive things, but slings are suffocation risks and mess up their hips.  Pacifiers decrease the risk of SIDS but wreck teeth and cause speech impediments.  Swaddling is good for sleep, but is also a suffocation risk and causes respiratory infections if done too tightly.

(All of these claims should be qualified with “apparently” or “some say” or “I read this one article”.  Again, no energy to actually make links and I’ve long lost track of where on the internet I’ve heard all this crap.  I hate you internet.)

Or then I’m happy because I seem to have finally found an affordable, natural baby wash and the first Amazon comment is someone saying, ‘Read the ingredients! How can they call it organic when it has this this and this in it, which are KNOWN CARCINOGENS!’ and then I want to sob.  Because just when I’m certain I’m doing something that is totally agreed upon as safe and good, NOPE sorry I’m maiming my baby.

I just wish the clouds would part and out of the sky a hand would appear, proffering a silver platter with all the right answers on it.  If someone could just tell me the exact right thing to do I WOULD DO IT.

Coincidentally, the one piece of consistent advice that I keep hearing is just to ignore this crap and follow my instincts.  On a basic, instinctive level I think he must be fine.  He is happy, if he cries he’s easily consolable, he smiles and coos up a storm, he’s growing growing growing.  He is always clean and wearing clean, adorable clothes.  (Which is much much MUCH more than I can say for myself.  Everyone always remarks how good he smells which blows my mind, cause he spends half the day attached to me and olfactorily, I AIN’T NO PRIZE).

OK I need to shut up for tonight.  Just wanted to get all that off my chest.  Becker out!


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