Useless Commentary

10 More Things I Hate About Pinterest

As cathartic as it was trashing Pinterest in Part One, I quickly realized there are so many more annoying things! Why stop now! Here are the next 10.
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1. Stupid Bucket List Items

I don’t know why but this just makes me picture a memo.

To: Ovaries
From: Self
Re: A Request

Thank you in advance for your cooperation in producing a set of twins for me.  What? You believe this is up to God, the Universe, the laws of biology and endocrinology? Is that what you think? YOU WOULD. How will people know I’m hip and unique unless I follow through on my bucket list which I re-pinned from someone else’s bucket list along with 847 others? MAKE ME SOME TWINS ALREADY, YOU INSUBORDINATE SPHERES OF USELESSNESS.

One of each while you’re at it, thx.  GET TO WORK.  God.  Idiots.

2.  Hair Tutorials That Make No Sense

Umm, yea, I got none of that.  I didn’t even make it past steps 1 & 2, wherein she is wielding a curling iron in frame 1 only to appear in frame 2 with straight frizzy hair.  Bun is not in fact fun.

3. Pregnant Women I Hate

Who are you, Sam and Deesha Patel? I cannot wrap my mind around the level of self absorption that must be necessary for creating this nauseating train wreck of narcissistic celebration.  I hope this trips a Google alert for your names and you’ll consider being less annoying during any future gestational periods.

4. Brides I Hate

Don’t be blinded by our love? I don’t even know what I would do if I went to a wedding and saw this stupid, saccharine sign, but I would start with barfing up the 9 chicken satay skewers I likely downed at your cocktail hour.  I’m also insulted you think I would wear your fugly dollar store sunglasses.  I wish you much marital strife and unhappiness.

5.  Kids Who Will Never Know a Day of Hardship

Aww, how sweet.  Your mom commemorated your last day of school with some sort of cutesy little banner.  Adorable.  Guess where this is going.  I HATE YOU! When I was a kid, my “welcome to summer!” greeting was being sent to YMCA camp.  Do you want to know what YMCA camp was like, little girl? We sat in pavilions.  In the woods.  Playing card games.  All summer long.  If we got tired of pavilion-sitting, our second choice was woods-roaming.  I built my first lean-to by 11.  SUCK IT.

HOLD UP.  50 fun things to do on a trampoline? IT’S A MF-ING TRAMPOLINE! I whined to my parents every day between years 7-14 for a trampoline and always got some BS line like “You’ll break your neck” or “The kid next door will break their neck” followed by “And then we’ll get sued and you’ll never go to college, is that what you want?”.  So you mean to tell me there are kids out there who aren’t satisfied enough by their trampolines that they need additional fun things to do on them!?  Ungrateful weasels!

Yep.  I also hate you, drive in movie theme party kids.

And rock wall kid, you can go ahead and take a slab of synthetic granite to your orbit.

6.  “DIY”

The DIY acronym is like catnip to every girl on the internet.  It’s a perfectly reasonable and explanatory expression in the appropriate context, one which I use, but I am just so tired of seeing it fixated onto EVERYTHING.  I DIYed this grilled cheese sandwich!  I DIYed tying my shoes! I wrote “Mac Book” on this bread tag and put it on a power cord, OMG DIY!

WTF? Of course you DIYed this! IT’S YOUR HAND PRINT!

7. Hot Dogs

Is Pinterest secretly being held afloat by corporate donations from Hillshire Farms? Why is every third picture a portrait of some nasty hot dog concoction?

8. Other Disgusting Food

This reminds me of the night Chooch ate 4 mint chocolate brownies and I had to induce vomiting.  Eww.

Still eww.

Here, let me fix this caption for you.  “The Crockstar: The Absolute BEST arteriosclerosis recipe.  For those nights when your family is too busy to gather around the salt lick.”

10. This Girl

Who are you, elusive hair girl with the nondescript medium length blonde ‘do? I think you have the most recognizable head on the internet.

Hi.

Hi again.  Cute scarf.

Hi.  Still You.  You can’t hide from me.  I feel like a stalker being able to identify the back of your head, but I can’t help it your freaking noggin is all over the Pinterest main page every single day.

10.  The Same Crap Over and Over

Yes, I know.  50 crockpot meals.  50 freezer meals.  50 seasonal localganic fat blasting super food smoothies under 100 calories.  50 Shades of Grey on your “books i like” board.  3 generations picture.  Keep calm and _____.  Autumn chopped salad.  Melted crayons. Questionably sourced infographic.  Nutella recipes.  Pumpkin muffins.  Pumpkin loaf.  Pumpkin milkshake.   PUMPKINS ARE LIFE.  Eggs baked in muffin tins.  Zucchini fries.  Stacked bob.  Textured bob.  Short bob.  Salads in jars.  Fringe scarf.  Teacher gifts.  Ryan Gosling.  And ARE YOU AWARE that you can glue glitter onto the heels of your shoes?!?!

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14 thoughts on “10 More Things I Hate About Pinterest

  1. Clearly your pregnacy hormones are accompanied by extreme Joan Rivers tendencies!!! LOL you are HI-LAR-I-OUS (that’s DIY for hilarious). I’m just glad you didn’t use me as an example on here, I’m guilty of Pumpkin crimes fore SURE! xoxo Mrs. B

  2. Oh Sarah…why do I keep finding myself straying away from you? I love and miss you so…

    Guilty as charged. Well, on the pumpkin and nutella and some DIY stuff. Not so much on the keep calm and shut UP about keeping calm already, and the disgusting food (those hot dog noodle things? SO so gross). I really wish there were a way to block certain pins. A “yep, been there, seen that pin, now please hide it so I never have to waste a brain wrinkle on it again and have it violently burned into my unwilling memory” button to click. That way we can be the annoyer instead of the anoyee. Oh and also, I hate the DIYs that look so promising and then you read the directions and realize that they’re more like D-I-DIEs. They assume you just happen to have yards upon yards of burlap, or that your staple guns and table saws are just lying around in the garage and that you won’t lose your hand or worse DIYing it all. Can’t we just suck it up and admit that if we wanted to get that jazzy, we would have gone to carpentry school already, and if it’s going to happen, we’ll hire a professional?

    Whew sorry you got me going there. Hope your little bundle of love is doing well…I clearly have to catch up on my reading!!!

    1. Haha I absolutely agree with all of this! The homemade modgepodge and whatnot… I get that you can make it at home and save, like, a dollar maybe… But exactly how little value does your time have?! Crazy ladies!!! Ps don’t leave meeee!! : )

  3. Love it. I wrote an entry on Pinterest etiquette not too long ago. Not a bite. I hate all these things. Am I a bad mom because I don’t plan on making a “Welcome to Summer” banner? Nope. I am contemplating a dumbed-down version of that drive in movie thing…that could be fun. What is wrong with me?

  4. These don’t even come close! I HATE that you have added Search BING to pictures that I pinned. I don’t want to search Bing I want the pattern that I pinned. Quit it out!

  5. I found your blog a bit annoying. It felt like you were I a bad mood and wanted to hate on everyone in Pinterest. The pregnancy bucket list is a bit far fetched, but you can still want to have twins! You can’t hate in people for praying to god for children, it’s even says in the Bible that god wants you to humbly bring you hopes and desires to him. Just because a mother wrote her little girl a note on a banner doesn’t mean that they won’t face hardship. You don’t know if the mom wrote that note on the banner because she had to go work till midnight and wouldn’t be able to see her! You seriously think that you’ll spoil your child by leaving them a nice note to Brighten their day?! How dare you hate in people because they use their trampoline for other things besides jumping, I live on a dirt road where you can’t draw with chalk on anything, I’m gonna do that on my trampoline. It’s actually a very smart way to get the most out of what your given! Don’t give me the sob story of how you grew up without something you really wanted and now you want to drag everyone else down to your level. If you did go to a wedding and they had the corny sunglasses joke I pray to god you would keep your hate o yourself and leave the poor bride and groom alone to enjoy their special day. How dare you hate a kid because they have a drive in theatre themed party!!! How dare you hate in a boy who’s parents decided to build him a climbing wall to get out his energy when it’s a Blizzard outside!!! I’d never seen the hotdog stuff until I came on your page and don’t hate on Pinterest for thinking you might like it because you probably look at food pins. And why are you hating on a woman who has beautiful hair and is on Pinterest? What did she ever do to you?!?! The one point you had was the gross food I agree with you there. Next time keep your hateful, biased, revolting comments to yourself!!!!!!!!!

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