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Let’s Talk About Hair (Slow News Day)

Here is where I out myself as a true failure of a twenty-something chick: hair maintenance is extremely far down on my list of priorities.  I cut my hair… twice a year.  No joke.  Only once a year do I splurge and get a cut and highlights at an actual salon place, and then about 6 months later when I start to look like Garth Algar I go to Hair Cuttery for a trim.  ($15 GUYS!).

I swear… it’s the same.  I don’t know what others’ thoughts are, but my experience with hair is that its level of attractiveness is more proportional to the amount of time I spend with it in the morning than how much I spent the cut.  If you are too lazy most days to spend more than 93 seconds with the hair dryer (me), no expensive cut is gonna bail out yo slacker self.  Conversely, if I actually bother to bust out an appliance of some kind, I can usually walk out the door feeling OK about my head.  So $15 it is.

I also abhor the process of getting my hair cut.  IT’S SO BORING.  I am simply too hyper to sit in a chair and gaze at myself in the mirror for 45 minutes.  You try to read and they just yell at you to pick your head up.  Or you are subjected to the worst torture of all, 45 minutes of small talk with the cutter.  Holy God.  Last time I had to suffer through that I walked out with this stylist’s life story… childhood.  Sister’s divorce.  Death of first dog.  Current dog that they can’t bring themselves to put down but it’s probably time.  House remodeling.  Neighbors they don’t get along with.  Complaints about the bad benefits from the salon.  None of that was hyperbolic or fabricated for the sake of jest. TRUE STORIES, ALL OF IT.

So… anyway.  I skipped my annual highlights treat at the salon this summer (umm, did I mention the part about walking away from my job/income when we came to PA?) and my hair has deteriorated rapidly from cute blond to rodent blond.  Very un-cute.  I’m quite leery of cheap color for a lot of reasons.  Dye is probably low quality and full of 4,000 carcinogens and illegal in 12 states, much higher stakes if something goes wrong (you can’t blow dry your way out of a color disaster), etc.  But desperate times call for… extreme cheapness.

So I was intrigued when we got a coupon in our new mailbox for $10 off a color treatment (“a $40 value”) at something called Cost Cutters.  $30 for highlights? Hot diggity! Also… $30 for highlights? Meep.

So what is this Cost Cutters?  Is it like a poor man’s Hair Cuttery? (Repeat: MEEP).  I asked Google for some reviews and here is what Shanksbbygurl94 has to offer…

I… umm… guys…. I… just can’t.  This may be slightly irrational, but with my ego already fragile right now, I can’t help but worry that Cost Cutters will lead me down some kind of slippery slope wherein one day I’m a respectable woman, and the next day I’m picking outa picturr and asking for high lights everyware.  Except then I walk out looking likea lion.  (Actually my first pass at that I was like ‘What’s an ikea lion?’)

Sorry you had to read all this about my hair.

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One thought on “Let’s Talk About Hair (Slow News Day)

  1. You are hysterical! I found you on Freshly Pressed (loved that piece!) and now I’m just sitting here (when I should be sleeping) reading random posts and cracking up so that the dog picks her head up every now and then with annoyance as if to say, “Really?” Yes really! I am so glad you have a baby who messed up your kitchen – – I wouldn’t have found you otherwise!

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