Gather Round Children It's Story Time

The Perils of Sharing Metro Trains with Middle Schoolers

Top things I dislike about DC: #2.  Tourists.  #1.  Middle school tourists.

Top thing I like about DC: incredible, state-of-the-art Smithsonian museum system (and zoo) provided free to the world by generous taxpayers, donors, and companies who value science, history, and education.  It would take you a week to visit all of them, yet when 7th graders come down for 2 days, where are they spending 5 hours of their trip? THE MALL.  No, not the National Mall, I mean the FOOD COURT mall.  Where instead of free learning opportunities, they get to squander their parents’ money buying age inappropriate stripper attire at Wet Seal.

My home has the misfortune of sharing a metro stop with the mall so I spend a great deal of time with these wily little beasts.

From today’s commute:

Demon Middle Schooler: Guys we need to sing happy birthday to Kelly.  Let’s do it RIGHT NOW!
Other Demon Middle Schooler: Yes, yes, yes! (lolololol)
Are these 15 girls seriously about to screech happy birthday on this train? No.  NO.  SWEET GOD NO. [Worried looks exchanged between adult passengers]
Sensible Middle Schooler: No, guys, come on, don’t do that.
Her! Yes! Listen to her! SHE WISE CHIEF!
Demon Middle Schoolers: Haaappp…….
Sensible Middle Schooler: No, for real, not here.
Other Sensible Middle Schooler: We’re not with them…
Demon Middle Schoolers: ppppppppyyyyyy…….
YOU KEEP THAT UP AND I WILL CUT ALL OF YOU
Demon Middle Schoolers: Biiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrr…………

End of narration.  I left train.

And yes, get off my damn lawn, turn down the music, etc etc etc.  I’m a proud curmudgeon on this.  On behalf of all of DC, more chaperones.  PLEASE.

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One thought on “The Perils of Sharing Metro Trains with Middle Schoolers

  1. Ugh! You poor thing! Were they all wearing matching neon yellow t-shirts with their schools logo on them? I can’t decide if it’s better that you can point them out from a distance to AVOID AVOID AVOID or worse because it’s a giant tourist eyesore for us all. Sigh. Let’s start a petition to ban them… at least from the metro. We can add it onto my child-free metro cars. (seriously, that should be a thing!)

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