OK, first, let me preface this by saying that it’s no secret I a) adore Pinterest and b) love to craft like a mofo. But… I must draw a line on the WTFery. This is that line.
1. Curly Hair.
What exactly is the fascination here? How many times have you seen a head of curls re-pinned 4,759 times with captions like “WOW!!!!” and “Dream wedding hair!!!!!”. People. Someone curled hair. With a curling iron or maybe curlers. Both you can buy at CVS. The cheapest, most gangster mall haircut place could do that. A groundhog could do that. A paramecium could do that. You, wistful pinner, could do that.
2. Creepy, Sexualized Children.
No. This is not “cute” or “omg she is so beautiful” or “my future daughter will dress like this!!!!” NO. This is strange, bizarre, and some straight up To Catch a Predator material. Gross. Delete. Please.
3. Ugly Things That Inexplicably Get Re-pinned a Ton of Times.
WTF is this? If a woodland fairy copulated with a centaur at a Pottery Barn Kids outlet, I have to imagine this would be the result. EWW. 225 people re-pinned this, indicating they…. desire a room in their home to look like this. Your precious Taylor is going to grow up to be a Renaissance Faire employee or possibly a slutty Hobbit.
4. Terrible Polyvore Boards.
Every time I stumble across one of these, I wonder who on earth is alright with walking out of the house looking like this.
I can only assume it was an 11 year old…
A color blind 11 year old…
A floozy 11 year old…
An 11 year old gone wild with a gift card to New York & Co…
5. Women with Entirely Too Much Time on Their Hands.
I’m sorry. There are many things I don’t have time to do in between watching 16 and Pregnant, taking showers, and the mythical entity known in some circles as a “Job”. Some examples include upcycling vintage pillow cases into onesies, anything involving the adjective “distressed”, and printing typed labels that say “Quinoa”, “Barley”, and “Steel-Cut Oats” to place on TRANSLUCENT containers encasing quinoa, barley, and steel-cut oats (respectively). This photo sums it up best:
Huh? I have a number of issues with this.
- There are six spots for 7 days. I don’t need to point out that that equals less than one thing per day.
- Two of the things use the verbs “plan” and “brainstorm.” Those are not even what my English teacher called “action verbs.” Those verbs are synonyms of the verb “think.” This person has less than one thing to do per day and two of the days are dedicated to thinking about things? Where do I get this life?
- Please tell me the blog tutorial wasn’t explaining how to make this list-thing, because… it’s a piece of card stock. That someone drew on with a Sharpie. As far as I can tell, the most complex skill used in creating this was tracing around a Post-It.
- However, invariably, this will be re-pinned 142 times with captions like “Finally a solution for my insane crazy busy to-do list!!!!! My days of missing mason jar sales because I was busy making a sensory box for little EmMyrsynne are OVER!!!!!!”
6. Juxtaposition of Thinspo and Extreme Junk Food.
It’s really difficult to appreciate Pinterest’s delightful displays of bacon-wrapped-bleu-cheese-burgers and oreo-inside-a-cookie-inside-a-brownies when right next to them is a bunch of disturbingly-captioned swimsuit models staring back at you. Branded with innocuously-named Tumblr sites, because “Ackshually it’s just motivation to be healthy, so I don’t know what the big deal is.”
I made that one up but you know the ones I mean. (And in all seriousness it should really stop)
7. Under-Impressed Captions on Photos of Luxurious Homes People Falsely Believe They Will Live In.
My kids would love this tree house.
Because if I had to caption this, it would be more along the lines of OMFG GET A LOAD OF THAT FRIGGIN KITCHEN HOLY BEJEZUS! But, yea, no. Just Kitchen. Like the kitchen is just okay. I mean, that hardwood leaves a lot to be desired. And who doesn’t have a vaulted, cross-beamed ceiling anymore? Uninspiring. Next.
8. This Picture.
ENOUGH. This is not Castle Island, Dublin, Ireland. This is the People’s Republic of Photoshop. Take it off your mailing list, update your database, stop calling.
9. Completely Random Crap Nobody Possibly Cares About.
To illustrate this point I searched the following items: tire, shovel, dryer lint, dog poo. Did Pinterest disappoint? Never.
10. I Just… Can’t.