I know what you’re thinking…
Wow. A female on the internet took a picture of her manicured hands holding junk food ironically. What a pioneer.
I KNOW WAIT hear me out. You need to know about this frozen yogurt. And you know this is not just a veiled attempt for me to show off my perfect nails/life because as you can see, the manicure has been decrepit since, like, Tuesday, and my thumb cuticles have once again borne the brunt of my anxiety complex. So really this picture is kind of embarrassing. Also you should know that when I showed up at Red Door for said manicure last week, I was 25 minutes late, disheveled, soaking wet, and still with a 9:30 Club stamp on my hand from the night before. And then I paid with a gift card, a surprise to nobody in the establishment.
So, Yogen Fruz. Awesome. It’s just one of those trendy, yuppie frozen yogurt places where you go in and they have a bunch of trendy, yuppie fixings you can put on your yogurt like Fruity Pebbles and Cheerios and omg so inventive. The fixings are billed on the menu as: “Toppings: $1.45” which I assumed meant $1.45 for each topping, which is ridiculous, obviously, but again, “pricing yourself out of the market” is not really a concern when you’re working with trendy yuppies and their lupine lust for frozen yogurt. Myself included, shamefully.
BUT. People. The menu catch is in fact that you pay $1.45 for as much of the crap as they can fit into the bowl.
“Well then! In that case I’ll take a large… with strawberries…”
nom nom nommles nom nom
Morffle Snorffle Snarffle Marffle
Ooohhhhhh yea that’s right that’s the stuff heap it on there mmmm hmm
“That other chocolate looking thing…”
“Umm ackshually those are carob chips”
“WHATEVER they’re getting masticated.”
Do you know why I thought it meant $1.45 for every topping? The other week when BFF Luna was in town we went to brunch (We had grand plans to do outdoor DC things but it was in the 30’s with high winds so peach mimosas won that battle). I ordered this yummalicious salad, which was listed on the menu with this denotation: “Add shrimp: $2”
What does that statement mean to you? Most people I polled had the same reaction as me, which was that for a surcharge of $2.00, one got the addition of a modest smattering of shrimp. Like, I don’t know, five of the little effers?
After I ordered it, our waiter came back and said “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask how many shrimp you wanted?”
“Whuh…umm… the menu… it just said $2 to add shrimp? So… I would like to accept… that option?”
“No it’s $2 PER shrimp.”
“Umm wow… I have to say I was not prepared to quantify my shrimp desire at this level so… like… 2 I guess? Is that a normal number to say?”
WTF. I don’t know what to believe anymore.