Photo credit- thanks- I snarfed them down before I had the chance to photograph.
Oh. Mah. Gah. Oh. Mah. Gah. Try these things. For real. I don’t even know where to start. I was prepared for disappointment when I begrudgingly chose this semi-healthy, low-carb, “reasonable” snack. I was blown away. They are still, you know, glazed… but the ingredients are surprisingly clean and, as mentioned, they freaking taste like Skittles. Try them and come back here and tell me they don’t. Starbucks glazed cashews=magical unicorn chow.
Hating (Well not really hating, but just mourning my unmet expectations): OXO hand chopper (AKA imitation slap chop).
Some background. Occasionally I will meticulously deliberate dumb household purchases. There are a few explanations behind this, the primary one being that I may or may not just have a smidgen of OCD in my genetic makeup, I am also big on simplified living and clutter gives me meltdowns (see previous remark), and our 800 square feet doesn’t afford a ton of storage space so combatting clutter is critical. Does that little bit of alliteration make my story about The Mental Process That Led Me to Buy a Slap Chop more interesting? I sincerely hope so. SO anyway I think hard about what value a new item adds, and I really have to prove to myself that it brings something unique to the table that something else in the house isn’t already doing.
I wanted a slap chop because chopping multiple veggies and herbs on a cutting board is basically a 9 year committment, and my food processor makes me stabby because I can never figure out how to click all the pieces together, and afterwards I have 5 pieces to hand wash. Annoying. I thought this would really improve my life when it came to prepping multiple veggies. OK I’ll shut up now before you all hurl yourselves in front of traffic from the pain/boredom of this explanation.
I went through all this in my mind while we drove back from PA on Sunday, which is where I do most of my pondering of life’s great quandaries. Poor Jeff is confined in the car with me and has to suffer through 3 hours worth of random, disjointed, stream-of-conscious thoughts from me.
“What would you think if I got a tattoo?”
“Umm, I don’t know.”
“Isn’t there a federal holiday next month?”
“Mmm OK. I think I want a slap chop.”
“Okay. Is that the end of your question?”
“Yea. I’ve been giving it some thought and I think I want one.”
So as soon as we got home I dropped my stuff and was like BRB GOING TO GET A SLAP CHOP and battled my way through heinous Bed Bath and Beyond parking in hot pursuit.
The thing is an awful disappointment. It has a million pieces I can’t figure out just like the stupid food processor, the blades would pop out and almost lob my digits off when I tried to dismantle it, it doesn’t chop herbs and only succeeded in putting zig-zag blade patterns in the leaves, instead of chopping veggies they just disappeared into the bowels of the device, and various other first world problems which I’ll quit with right now. I’m holding onto this thing because unlike knives and bulky cutting boards and the food processor, HOME BOY GOES IN THE DISHWASHER! AWW YEA!
Forcing myself to end this train wreck of a post in 3…2…