My chick friend Jordana (you may remember her from such Halloween costumes as the Kia hamster) was telling me the other day how her boyfriend is a total lover of rules. I was like girlfriend, I feel your pain. Jeff too is rule-obsessed. Like, if the guy could legally marry Robert’s Rules of Order, home girl would be out this door so fast…
And I like rules plenty as long as they’ve convinced me of their purposefulness. But stupid rules? Stupid laws even? Don’t care. And by stupid laws I mean stupid laws, before you think I’m some sort of criminal. Things like jay-walking and “you must report a changed address within 30 days,” and, well, any sort of parking restriction whatsoever. Blah blah blah. Life’s too short. And Jeff and I had only known each other like 3 weeks the first time we had to track down my towed car, and he’s still here. 🙂 OH and downloading music… I pay for it now since everything’s been pretty much shut down, but I pirated the crap out of it circa 2002-2010. I knew I should have felt bad but never did, and you know why? Because I was in college for a couple of those years, and ELTON JOHN wasn’t down to 53 GW dining dollars with 2 months left in the semester. Sorry.
So Jeff and I are always having hilarious encounters over the “rules.” Like the parking! Jeff will park in a metered area in front of, like, a Rite Aid where we need to run in and get ziplocks for 30 seconds, and he wants to PUT MONEY IN IT. And even when he is 100% legally parked and paid for, he’s still convinced he’s done something wrong. Once during such an episode I snuck back out and tucked an ATM receipt under the windshield wiper, at the end of the night when we went back out he was all “OMG WTF is that?!?!?!” and had a category 5 meltdown for a minute there, and I patted myself on the back quite vigorously.
OH and once at a movie theater (I think it was Wall Street 2), I was like “hold up, I want to go to this Starbucks next door first!” and he was like “What? Why? You can’t take that into the theater.” Now, the no-outside-food-in-the-theater-so-you-can-buy-$7-sour-patch-kids is the GRANDDADDY of stupid rules. What. EVER. Anyone that wants to punish me for breaking that one was going to have to pry a steamy mocha from my cold dead hands. So I got my beverage, draped my coat over it, and I was like “Alright let’s do this big fella” and Jeff is all “Sarah……… SARAH? You……… You can’t do that Sarah!!!”
OK OK one more story to introduce the Gchat moment. Which I meant to just cut and paste and be done with tonight but here I am with my tangential issues again. I forgot how hilarious this subject is. So, I don’t know, a couple years ago we were flying and Jeff was having a nervous breakdown because I was ticketed as “Sarah Middle Initial Becker” instead of “Sarah Full Middle Name Becker” which appears on my drivers’ license. And Mr. Hobby TSA Agent is like “No…. NO…. there is a brand new law and it has to be exact or you will NOT BE ALLOWED”. Which I know they are attempting to force people to do lately, but I was pretty sure plenty of people were still flying with middle initial abbreviations. (Guess what, they were, who was right? This guy!)
So we were talking about a future trip today and I couldn’t help but take a swipe…
Jeff: i hope im allowed on the plane
and youre denied
and ill be sitting on the beach
while youre stuck at home in the middle of a blizzard and no power
all because of your snark