Gather Round Children It's Story Time

I Heart Metro

You know, one of the things that makes a brutal, public transportation commute more appealing is the funny stories I walk away with week after week.  Between the defunct metro system and the various yahoos that patronize it, there is really no shortage of quality entertainment.  I’ve seen fainters, yellers, fall-over-ers,various hooligans, near fights, thefts, panicked people separated from their groups, passed out partiers (a weekend favorite), and other garden variety stuff like that.  A few steps up on the hilarity scale would be the conversations started by strangers (once I even got a date out of this), or bearing witness to these encounters (funnier and less mortifying from this end), and the one time Jeff and I rode for like 15  minutes next to this couple having a really obvious and awkward argument.  Ha.  My two nominees for all-time favorite metro moment, and I SWEAR I’m not making these up or even exaggerating:

  • Once I was sitting minding my own business when a gentleman crawled down the aisle on his hands and knees (yea, I don’t know),  paused at me, and STROKED my bare, sandal-clad feet.  I let out a meep! and sort of recoiled in terror, so he then proceeded to another gentleman (this one in sneakers) and asked if he could tie his shoes.  This person was pretty vocal in not consenting to this.  It made me a little bit sad because obviously this foot fetish guy was not all there.  😦 It’s times like that I remind myself that if I didn’t laugh I’d cry…
  •  Now this… is a freak occurrence that I don’t think nature could replicate ever again.  This was a weekday morning so I was huddled against the rest of the commuting masses.  I was wearing a winter coat, smooshed against a person wearing a back-pack with those bungee things.  Basically, God woke up that morning and decided  it was the day one of those bungees would wrap itself around a button on the front of my coat.  Any guesses where this is going? All the sudden this guy goes to exit and a MYSTERIOUS FORCE is pulling me out of the train… it was this guy DRAGGING me behind him via his stupid back-pack! Don’t laugh, it was kind of weirdly scary for the half a second before I knew what was going on! 🙂 I was like, “WAAH! Wait!” and had to disconnect myself and rush back on the train.  To make matters worse, this was witnessed by everyone, including one woman who was laughing so hard it took her multiple tries to control herself.  Did I tell you I cannot make this stuff up!?!?

Anyhoo, I am looking forward to documenting all these future magic moments on here 🙂 In the meantime, here is my most recent nugget.  Yes, that is 1) a cowboy hat 2) a bare midriff 3) a very academic looking pair of reading glasses and 4) an ipad.

And it made it onto Unsuck the DC Metro!!! Win! 🙂


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